My Wish
by EnigmaRose
Summary: Set during Season 3, episode 9. JD and Cox argue over who's going to sleep on the floor of JD's apartment. Suddenly, Cox comes up with a creative and stimulating idea. This is SLASH.I say this not to warn but to entice. JDCox
1. Predicament

**Title**" My Wish"

**Pairing:** JD/Cox

**Rating: **NC-17, or M. For the sake of I'll try to keep the really dirty chapters in line w/ the new ratings guide.

**Summary**: Set during Season 3, episode 9, JD and Cox are fighting over who has to sleep on the floor of JD's apartment. Suddenly, Dr. Cox has a very creative idea.

**Author's Note**: This is my very first fan fiction ever. I tried to make it as in-character and consistent with the tone of the show as possible.

_There's an old saying that goes: "be careful what you wish for." It means that sometimes the very thing you think you want ends up being nothing like you expected. Like the time Dr. Kelso gave up a golf weekend to stay at the hospital, because he heard that a "young Korean dancer" was a new patient. _

(Dr. Kelso enters a hospital room, spraying Binaca, and grinning. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees a slim Asian man wearing a bodysuit, with his leg in traction.)

_Or when Elliot thinks that she'd be much happier with a boyfriend than alone…_

(Elliot sits at a romantic restaurant, rolling her eyes while her date drones on and on: "And THEN, even though I was only second in my class at Yale, I landed an internship with the most prestigious law firm in Connecticut…")

_As for me, I've always prided myself on knowing exactly what I want, and preparing for the worst. That's why I can't figure out how I ended up here, fighting with Dr. Cox over who had to sleep on the floor of my apartment._ _You see, I'd always dreamed of the day that Dr. Cox would feel comfortable enough with me to just barge into Turk's and my apartment, like we were buddies. I just didn't expect him to do it because he was mad at me. I also didn't expect him to kick me out of my own room. And I definitely didn't expect to be standing in my bedroom, arguing with the one person I'd always idolized, over something like this…_

"So, you see, Newbie, had I _not_ listened to you about telling my shrew of an ex-wife just exactly how I feel, I'd be sitting at home right now with a beer in one hand, the remote in the other, and Jordan's head in my lap.That is _why_ I am going to sleep here, in your bed, which smells disturbingly of lilacs, and _you_ are going to sleep out there, on the floor." He cocked his thumb towards the door and stood defiantly, arms folded across his chest.

_I knew that if I could just convince him to see my side of things, he'd give in. Ok, say something clever but manly. Be assertive!_

"It's my fabric softener." _Not like that._ Dr. Cox stared at me incredulously, so I continued: "My…fabric softener is what smells. It's not lilacs. It's…lavender and vanilla. It's supposed to help you sleep..." I trailed off. Dr. Cox massaged his temples with his fingertips before speaking.

"I'm just going to go ahead and ignore everything you just said, because, by acknowledging it, I'd be causing my blood pressure to rise, and I will _not_ let you be responsible for my early death, even though it would be my supreme pleasure to haunt you for the rest of your ever-living days." He whistled sharply and pointed at me, gesturing towards the bed.

"Sit." I sat.

"Now, because I'm _such_ a nice guy, I'm going to make this fair. We'll have a little contest. The winner gets to sleep on the bed, which, by the way, _when_ I win, will immediately be doused with the least girly scent I can find in your pre-pubescent girly sanctuary here. The loser—you—will have to sleep on the floor—which, just so we're clear, is _not_ the floor of the bedroom—with the dead dog."

I smiled, before I could stop myself.

_See? He's a good guy. He won't let me sleep on the cold floor. Behind that hard shell, Dr. Cox is a big softie, like me. _ I let myself drift off, imagining Dr. Cox in a field of daisies, holding a wriggling puppy and grinning. I was just starting to hear the strains of Lakme's "Flower Duet" _How did I know that's what it was called?_ when a harsh beep next to my ear interrupted my daydream.

"Ouch!" When my eyes focused, I saw Dr. Cox, holding my alarm clock.

"Nice to have you back with us, Shirley. Can I continue, or are you still picturing what you'd look like with hair extensions?"

_They'd be luxurious and soft._

"Yes—I mean, no—I mean, sorry. I'm listening."

"As I was saying, we're going to have a little contest here. We're going to settle this just like men have been settling disputes since the Stone Age." At that, I smirked.

(JD, dressed as a caveman, complete with beard and fur man-dress, brandishes a mastodon drumstick. "Rules simple. First to finish mastodon leg sleep with nice saber-tooth tiger. Loser sleep with Randy The Widowmaker." Caveman Dr. Cox nods. "Aaaand, GO!")

_Wait! I don't even know if I like mastodon meat. What if Dr. Cox won't let me put bleu cheese on it? _I snapped back to reality in time to hear what Dr. Cox actually had in mind.

"We're going to whip 'em out. The bigger man wins."


	2. Visceral Reaction

Dr. Cox raised his eyebrows and looked at me expectantly, almost daringly.

_Ok, he's clearly kidding. There's no way he'd actually expect you to pull out your…let alone want to pull out his… He's definitely kidding. Try laughing, but make it sound natural. _

………………

_Abort! He's glaring at you.. That's a 'no' on the laughing. Why are you still laughing? Stop laughing! Stop thinking the word "laughing!" Alright, so he's not kidding. Maybe he's calling your bluff. _

"And before you ask: no, I'm not trying to call your bluff. I'd dead-serious, Melinda. Unless, of course, you want to spoon with what I can only imagine is a 20-year old dead dog." Dr. Cox looked like he was ready to throw me out of the room before I could get a chance to chicken out.

"Rowdy's got the body of a four year-old." He merely snarled in response.

"Let's get moving on this. I need to get my eight hours. You don't think I get to be this stunningly handsome by chance do you? You know what, never mind. I do. God help me, I do. I'm a sexy beast."

_He's gazing at himself in your mirror. Take this opportunity to change the subject! _

"You know, Dr. Cox, the game's on." _Good call! Distract him!_

"And what game would that be?" He didn't even turn from the mirror.

"The game with….the players? Of…the team you like?" _Damn it! I knew my disturbingly feminine lack of sports knowledge would bite me in the ass! _

"Time's up, kid." He finally dragged himself away from the mirror to stand directly in front of me. His…._he_ was directly in line with my face. _Don't look at it, but don't make it obvious that you're trying to look away! _ "Oh, don't tell me that this makes you uncomfortable, Tiffany. I mean, I know you've probably never had the pleasure of seeing a man's 'love pole,' and I know your mother probably told you that if you saw one that no man would ever marry you, but, really, it's not going to kill you. Stop looking at me with those doe-eyes. Ya look like a damn Betty Boop doll. Oh for God's sakes; here. I'll go first." With that, he took a few steps back and unzipped his fly, stretching his torso to get some leverage before he pulled—well, guided, really—his…Mini Cox…out of his fly.

_Ok, it's not huge, but it's not tiny, either. It's actually kind of…nice-looking. Don't think that! What's wrong with you! And don't, for the love of god, think about how inappropriate it is for your boss to be making you do this! Or, how he's now staring at your crotch._

Dr. Cox was, indeed, staring at my fly. The weird thing was, he was looking at it like he was trying to figure something out in his head.

"Hippity hop to the barbershop, Clarabelle. Take it out. You do have one, don't you? Here I've been calling you girls' names, but you don't actually have girl parts, do you?" _Hell, no._

"Hell, no."

_Alright, calm down. Deep breaths. You know Mr. Peep hides when he's nervous. Just ease him on out. There we go. He's out! He's out! And… Dr. Cox is _still_ staring._

"Well, looky-loo there, Newbie. It's going to be too close to call. We're going to have to actually measure them." He looked almost proud of me as he started glancing around for something to use. His roving eyes were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Hey, JD, are you alright in there, man? It's been really quiet. Did Dr. Cox kill you?" Dr. Cox raised his eyebrows at me silently.

"Everyone's fine in here. No one's naked!" _Damnit!_

The look Dr. Cox gave me was a mix of anger, disbelief….and anger. I looked down to avoid his glare. _Whoa! Can't look there, can we?_

"Ooook then. Me and Rowdy are gonna watch _Cheers_ out here, if you want to come out when Dr. Cox is done not-nakedly killing you." When Turk had moved away from the door, Dr. Cox growled at me.

"You will pay for that later. Now, what do you have in this Disney Princess bedroom that we can use to measure your toddler-sized wee-wee and my massively impressive manhood?"

I crossed my room as gracefully as I could with Mr. Peep hanging out, and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. Dr. Cox nodded when I returned.

"That's a good lapdog. We'll hold the paper up and mark where…we….end up." Was it me or did he look uncomfortable? He grabbed the paper from me with a "hmph."

"Um, Dr. Cox? How are we going to hold the pen and paper and still hold…_it_ out to full length to measure?" _That's not a happy look. There goes his forehead vein._

"Fine. You can hold yourself out to all your two and a half inch glory, and I'll mark the paper. Ok?" He didn't look like it was okay at all.

"Oh, no, I don't trust you not to cheat." _As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew I'd made a big mistake. I could see his pupils dilate. He cracked his neck. He narrowed his eyes. I wondered if this would be my out; maybe he'd give up and leave now._ Dr. Cox took a giant breath before he spoke:

"I'm now going to say something to you I've never had to say to anyone before, ever. I will hold your penis, but there will be no talking, no moving, no breathing, and no looking me in the eye. I'm not cuddling you afterward, and I'm not buying you breakfast in the morning. Are. We. Clear?" 

I hoped that he saw me nod, although he didn't seem to look at me. His hand stopped and started a few times before I saw him swallow once. He put his hand under Mr. Peep and lifted him up so I could hold up the paper.

_I'd like to think that what happened next was because I hadn't had sex in months, or because I'd focused so hard on not looking at him that I'd actually made my brain think it was Nurse Tisdale's thumb on my special spot. Ultimately, it didn't matter why it happened, because as soon as I felt it happen, I knew I was dead. _

After the longest silence in history, Dr. Cox finally raised his head up to look me in the eye.

"Well look what we have here."

_Oh no._


End file.
